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Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Friday, June 21, 2013
Monday, January 9, 2012
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
If I Wasn't So Numb.... I Would Scream...
I am ready to scream!!!!!! Our shopping trip was cut short today when our debit card was denied. It turns out that someone evidently got our credit card number or something and charged 3 Southwest Airline tickets and another charge at some Audio business.
I'm just basically numb right now....
We don't get another paycheck until the 25th. The bank said that it can take up to 10 business days for them to research and credit to our account. I hope I am understanding correctly that the money will be credited back... That thought just gripped me. Yikes!
Anyway, we have two important bills to pay before then... plus we needed a few specific things from the store. Even after they reimbursed the overdraft charge, we are still in the hole...
Actually, I'm somewhat grateful that we were so low on our savings at this time, because otherwise it would have probably been worse. We have that overdraft protection thing where they will take money out of our savings to cover if we go over. With this nifty activity... we indeed went over. This also meant that they had more money to steal.
I have had a couple of family members in the past steal from me and a couple of "friends", but being robbed by someone unknown feels way different. With the one's I knew, it was much more a betrayal of trust.
I cannot quite figure out what this feeling really is. I am not in denial. Been there...done that... I tend to work at figuring out what emotions I am feeling these days. Right now, I am feeling numb with a major tightness inside my body. Kind of like anxiety, but it is a bit different. I'm sure that it contains anxiety, but there is something more. I am also having a big problem with shaking since this all started. I might as well have taken a placebo. I will have to remember to keep a hold of something for awhile, because I tend to fall a lot more when the meds aren't cutting it. Anxiety or being over-tired seems to basically nullify this particular medicine.
Anyway..... I was just talking to one of my BFF's on the phone. I needed someone to talk to. Hubby can't be reached until later tonight. Thanks to the idiot train engineer that was texting while driving a train last year and killing people in California... They are not even allowed to have their phone on during breaks or anything while on duty... But, back to the problem of today...
While talking to her, I broke down and cried a bit. No, I am not one that even attempts to keep the tears in. I can cry about almost anything: sadness, happiness, sappiness, etc, etc. But, I had not cried before that or even after. Now that I think about it, I think part of what I am feeling is shock.
I keep reminding myself that I have gotten through a lot of MUCH worse things. I will get through this. This storm is minor compared to many others.
When I am in the midst of a storm, I try to stay focused and alert to what I am supposed to learn during this time. God has always taught me something important while I am in the middle of it and I am sure that He will continue to do so. Sometimes, it has been simply to get me to rely on Him sooner and more fully - which actually is NOT a simple thing to teach me... But there is always something - even if it is to be able to truly tell someone that I DO know at least a bit about what they are going through.
I have also decided that I refuse to go through a big storm (or even a little one for that matter) without something positive coming out of it. If I am not taught something, then it was all for nothing...and that is NOT OK with me. I am not generally a stubborn person, but when it comes to things like this or someone telling me that I cannot succeed at something... Watch Out!
So, have I learned anything yet in this storm? Actually, I have.
I have learned to have a stash of money somewhere and not have it all in "one place". I am sure that I will be learning much more. We will just have to be patient and watch.
.
I'm just basically numb right now....
We don't get another paycheck until the 25th. The bank said that it can take up to 10 business days for them to research and credit to our account. I hope I am understanding correctly that the money will be credited back... That thought just gripped me. Yikes!
Anyway, we have two important bills to pay before then... plus we needed a few specific things from the store. Even after they reimbursed the overdraft charge, we are still in the hole...
Actually, I'm somewhat grateful that we were so low on our savings at this time, because otherwise it would have probably been worse. We have that overdraft protection thing where they will take money out of our savings to cover if we go over. With this nifty activity... we indeed went over. This also meant that they had more money to steal.
I have had a couple of family members in the past steal from me and a couple of "friends", but being robbed by someone unknown feels way different. With the one's I knew, it was much more a betrayal of trust.
I cannot quite figure out what this feeling really is. I am not in denial. Been there...done that... I tend to work at figuring out what emotions I am feeling these days. Right now, I am feeling numb with a major tightness inside my body. Kind of like anxiety, but it is a bit different. I'm sure that it contains anxiety, but there is something more. I am also having a big problem with shaking since this all started. I might as well have taken a placebo. I will have to remember to keep a hold of something for awhile, because I tend to fall a lot more when the meds aren't cutting it. Anxiety or being over-tired seems to basically nullify this particular medicine.
Anyway..... I was just talking to one of my BFF's on the phone. I needed someone to talk to. Hubby can't be reached until later tonight. Thanks to the idiot train engineer that was texting while driving a train last year and killing people in California... They are not even allowed to have their phone on during breaks or anything while on duty... But, back to the problem of today...
While talking to her, I broke down and cried a bit. No, I am not one that even attempts to keep the tears in. I can cry about almost anything: sadness, happiness, sappiness, etc, etc. But, I had not cried before that or even after. Now that I think about it, I think part of what I am feeling is shock.
I keep reminding myself that I have gotten through a lot of MUCH worse things. I will get through this. This storm is minor compared to many others.
When I am in the midst of a storm, I try to stay focused and alert to what I am supposed to learn during this time. God has always taught me something important while I am in the middle of it and I am sure that He will continue to do so. Sometimes, it has been simply to get me to rely on Him sooner and more fully - which actually is NOT a simple thing to teach me... But there is always something - even if it is to be able to truly tell someone that I DO know at least a bit about what they are going through.
I have also decided that I refuse to go through a big storm (or even a little one for that matter) without something positive coming out of it. If I am not taught something, then it was all for nothing...and that is NOT OK with me. I am not generally a stubborn person, but when it comes to things like this or someone telling me that I cannot succeed at something... Watch Out!
So, have I learned anything yet in this storm? Actually, I have.
I have learned to have a stash of money somewhere and not have it all in "one place". I am sure that I will be learning much more. We will just have to be patient and watch.
.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Twenty Years Ago -- Entry for March 21, 2007
(Moved from previous blog.)
Well, it has been 20 years (yesterday) since my mom passed away suddenly.
It is a really weird feeling. My mom has been gone for more than half of my life.
It feels like it all happened yesterday, though. I remember almost every little thing in great detail!
This year, it has been ok, just feels weird. The 10th year was hard, but the 12th was the hardest. I was planning my wedding with hubby and had a big woe-is-me period. I was NOT happy that she was not there for me...lol I know that it sounds weird, but it is honestly what I was feeling.
She passed away when I was 19 and she had just turned 40. My step-dad (only earthly father I have known) passed away when I was 35. I had a hard time then, too, because I felt way too young to no longer have any parents alive....
I may feel a bit down on Saturday (March 24th), because that was the date that she was buried. I often think a lot about her on that date, too. It is supposed to be wonderful weather once again this weekend, so I plan to spend it outside having fun!
Thank you for reading my rambling today...lol
Call your parents today and tell them how much you love them!
God bless you always,
Stephanie
Well, it has been 20 years (yesterday) since my mom passed away suddenly.
It is a really weird feeling. My mom has been gone for more than half of my life.
It feels like it all happened yesterday, though. I remember almost every little thing in great detail!
This year, it has been ok, just feels weird. The 10th year was hard, but the 12th was the hardest. I was planning my wedding with hubby and had a big woe-is-me period. I was NOT happy that she was not there for me...lol I know that it sounds weird, but it is honestly what I was feeling.
She passed away when I was 19 and she had just turned 40. My step-dad (only earthly father I have known) passed away when I was 35. I had a hard time then, too, because I felt way too young to no longer have any parents alive....
I may feel a bit down on Saturday (March 24th), because that was the date that she was buried. I often think a lot about her on that date, too. It is supposed to be wonderful weather once again this weekend, so I plan to spend it outside having fun!
Thank you for reading my rambling today...lol
Call your parents today and tell them how much you love them!
God bless you always,
Stephanie
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
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