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Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
If I Wasn't So Numb.... I Would Scream...
I am ready to scream!!!!!! Our shopping trip was cut short today when our debit card was denied. It turns out that someone evidently got our credit card number or something and charged 3 Southwest Airline tickets and another charge at some Audio business.
I'm just basically numb right now....
We don't get another paycheck until the 25th. The bank said that it can take up to 10 business days for them to research and credit to our account. I hope I am understanding correctly that the money will be credited back... That thought just gripped me. Yikes!
Anyway, we have two important bills to pay before then... plus we needed a few specific things from the store. Even after they reimbursed the overdraft charge, we are still in the hole...
Actually, I'm somewhat grateful that we were so low on our savings at this time, because otherwise it would have probably been worse. We have that overdraft protection thing where they will take money out of our savings to cover if we go over. With this nifty activity... we indeed went over. This also meant that they had more money to steal.
I have had a couple of family members in the past steal from me and a couple of "friends", but being robbed by someone unknown feels way different. With the one's I knew, it was much more a betrayal of trust.
I cannot quite figure out what this feeling really is. I am not in denial. Been there...done that... I tend to work at figuring out what emotions I am feeling these days. Right now, I am feeling numb with a major tightness inside my body. Kind of like anxiety, but it is a bit different. I'm sure that it contains anxiety, but there is something more. I am also having a big problem with shaking since this all started. I might as well have taken a placebo. I will have to remember to keep a hold of something for awhile, because I tend to fall a lot more when the meds aren't cutting it. Anxiety or being over-tired seems to basically nullify this particular medicine.
Anyway..... I was just talking to one of my BFF's on the phone. I needed someone to talk to. Hubby can't be reached until later tonight. Thanks to the idiot train engineer that was texting while driving a train last year and killing people in California... They are not even allowed to have their phone on during breaks or anything while on duty... But, back to the problem of today...
While talking to her, I broke down and cried a bit. No, I am not one that even attempts to keep the tears in. I can cry about almost anything: sadness, happiness, sappiness, etc, etc. But, I had not cried before that or even after. Now that I think about it, I think part of what I am feeling is shock.
I keep reminding myself that I have gotten through a lot of MUCH worse things. I will get through this. This storm is minor compared to many others.
When I am in the midst of a storm, I try to stay focused and alert to what I am supposed to learn during this time. God has always taught me something important while I am in the middle of it and I am sure that He will continue to do so. Sometimes, it has been simply to get me to rely on Him sooner and more fully - which actually is NOT a simple thing to teach me... But there is always something - even if it is to be able to truly tell someone that I DO know at least a bit about what they are going through.
I have also decided that I refuse to go through a big storm (or even a little one for that matter) without something positive coming out of it. If I am not taught something, then it was all for nothing...and that is NOT OK with me. I am not generally a stubborn person, but when it comes to things like this or someone telling me that I cannot succeed at something... Watch Out!
So, have I learned anything yet in this storm? Actually, I have.
I have learned to have a stash of money somewhere and not have it all in "one place". I am sure that I will be learning much more. We will just have to be patient and watch.
.
I'm just basically numb right now....
We don't get another paycheck until the 25th. The bank said that it can take up to 10 business days for them to research and credit to our account. I hope I am understanding correctly that the money will be credited back... That thought just gripped me. Yikes!
Anyway, we have two important bills to pay before then... plus we needed a few specific things from the store. Even after they reimbursed the overdraft charge, we are still in the hole...
Actually, I'm somewhat grateful that we were so low on our savings at this time, because otherwise it would have probably been worse. We have that overdraft protection thing where they will take money out of our savings to cover if we go over. With this nifty activity... we indeed went over. This also meant that they had more money to steal.
I have had a couple of family members in the past steal from me and a couple of "friends", but being robbed by someone unknown feels way different. With the one's I knew, it was much more a betrayal of trust.
I cannot quite figure out what this feeling really is. I am not in denial. Been there...done that... I tend to work at figuring out what emotions I am feeling these days. Right now, I am feeling numb with a major tightness inside my body. Kind of like anxiety, but it is a bit different. I'm sure that it contains anxiety, but there is something more. I am also having a big problem with shaking since this all started. I might as well have taken a placebo. I will have to remember to keep a hold of something for awhile, because I tend to fall a lot more when the meds aren't cutting it. Anxiety or being over-tired seems to basically nullify this particular medicine.
Anyway..... I was just talking to one of my BFF's on the phone. I needed someone to talk to. Hubby can't be reached until later tonight. Thanks to the idiot train engineer that was texting while driving a train last year and killing people in California... They are not even allowed to have their phone on during breaks or anything while on duty... But, back to the problem of today...
While talking to her, I broke down and cried a bit. No, I am not one that even attempts to keep the tears in. I can cry about almost anything: sadness, happiness, sappiness, etc, etc. But, I had not cried before that or even after. Now that I think about it, I think part of what I am feeling is shock.
I keep reminding myself that I have gotten through a lot of MUCH worse things. I will get through this. This storm is minor compared to many others.
When I am in the midst of a storm, I try to stay focused and alert to what I am supposed to learn during this time. God has always taught me something important while I am in the middle of it and I am sure that He will continue to do so. Sometimes, it has been simply to get me to rely on Him sooner and more fully - which actually is NOT a simple thing to teach me... But there is always something - even if it is to be able to truly tell someone that I DO know at least a bit about what they are going through.
I have also decided that I refuse to go through a big storm (or even a little one for that matter) without something positive coming out of it. If I am not taught something, then it was all for nothing...and that is NOT OK with me. I am not generally a stubborn person, but when it comes to things like this or someone telling me that I cannot succeed at something... Watch Out!
So, have I learned anything yet in this storm? Actually, I have.
I have learned to have a stash of money somewhere and not have it all in "one place". I am sure that I will be learning much more. We will just have to be patient and watch.
.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Change in focus...Change for the better
Originally blogged on February 23, 2008 elsewhere.
I have changed a lot lately... for the better, I believe.
A very dear friend of mine (one of my new ones this last year) told me that she went through the same thing when she turned 40. Mine started about 6 months before I recently turned 40.
I have always been very concerned about what everyone else thinks about me and living up to their expectations. Oh, the pressure!!!!
I also have always had a terrible time with getting over-committed and having the Super Woman Syndrome.
The changes started out quite simply and with cosmetic things. Things that now, I know that many people probably didn't even notice, but they always were big to me. I figure (not that I am old at all -- I feel great being 40) that I am "getting too old to worry about...", "life is to short...", etc, etc...
My two first things were the dent in my forehead and the looks of my feet.
I never would go without enough bangs to cover my dent. I now often do. It seems so little, but like I said, it was big to me. After all this time, I have finally noticed that if I have just a bit of foundation powder on, you can't even see it. If you look VERY closely, you can see a shadow. That is all.
My feet are pretty obvious, but I have come to think that if someone doesn't like the look of my feet, they don't need to look. I know, I'm getting an attitude.
They are shaped badly due to the way I was made plus getting them both ran over by a drunk driver in the second grade didn't help one bit.
BUT, now I go for comfort and the style I want. I still will not wear sandals that emphasize their problems a lot, but I would NEVER even wear open toed shoes AT ALL before!
But now, I have also changed on the inside, too. Those are the more important ones. The cosmetic ones have helped my self-esteem quite a bit, though.
I was very much over-committed. They were all things that were good and necessary. I believe that God wants them done, but I have come to understand that God doesn't want ME to do them all! I still have four volunteer jobs (that do not take a tremendous time even all together), but have dropped all of the rest (there were a lot).
I have known for quite awhile where my focus should be, but I didn't realize how much I wasn't actually focused as much as I need to be on the right things. I am now working on keeping my focus mainly on God, my husband, and my children. If I do this, everything else will work out. It has been, too. It isn't as easy as it sounds either. Even good things can tempt you to move your focus.
I know that I am rambling, but if you have been through this, you will totally understand. If not, you have something to look forward to!
I AM much happier and often find that I have much more free time to enjoy my family SO MUCH MORE! That is what having a family is about! Enjoying them, imparting a great legacy with them, and making memories!
I have changed a lot lately... for the better, I believe.
A very dear friend of mine (one of my new ones this last year) told me that she went through the same thing when she turned 40. Mine started about 6 months before I recently turned 40.
I have always been very concerned about what everyone else thinks about me and living up to their expectations. Oh, the pressure!!!!
I also have always had a terrible time with getting over-committed and having the Super Woman Syndrome.
The changes started out quite simply and with cosmetic things. Things that now, I know that many people probably didn't even notice, but they always were big to me. I figure (not that I am old at all -- I feel great being 40) that I am "getting too old to worry about...", "life is to short...", etc, etc...
My two first things were the dent in my forehead and the looks of my feet.
I never would go without enough bangs to cover my dent. I now often do. It seems so little, but like I said, it was big to me. After all this time, I have finally noticed that if I have just a bit of foundation powder on, you can't even see it. If you look VERY closely, you can see a shadow. That is all.
My feet are pretty obvious, but I have come to think that if someone doesn't like the look of my feet, they don't need to look. I know, I'm getting an attitude.
They are shaped badly due to the way I was made plus getting them both ran over by a drunk driver in the second grade didn't help one bit.
BUT, now I go for comfort and the style I want. I still will not wear sandals that emphasize their problems a lot, but I would NEVER even wear open toed shoes AT ALL before!
But now, I have also changed on the inside, too. Those are the more important ones. The cosmetic ones have helped my self-esteem quite a bit, though.
I was very much over-committed. They were all things that were good and necessary. I believe that God wants them done, but I have come to understand that God doesn't want ME to do them all! I still have four volunteer jobs (that do not take a tremendous time even all together), but have dropped all of the rest (there were a lot).
I have known for quite awhile where my focus should be, but I didn't realize how much I wasn't actually focused as much as I need to be on the right things. I am now working on keeping my focus mainly on God, my husband, and my children. If I do this, everything else will work out. It has been, too. It isn't as easy as it sounds either. Even good things can tempt you to move your focus.
I know that I am rambling, but if you have been through this, you will totally understand. If not, you have something to look forward to!
I AM much happier and often find that I have much more free time to enjoy my family SO MUCH MORE! That is what having a family is about! Enjoying them, imparting a great legacy with them, and making memories!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
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